Stoney has begun a countdown … he usually mentions it when we are on our daily walk. My heart skips a beat and my stomach does a little flip/flop because I’m taken back to one year ago when I began my journey on the Appalachian Trail. Ahead of that journey, I’d done a lot of reading from books, journals and blogs about individual adventures on the AT. No one wrote about pre-hike anxiety and I was surprised when it jumped on me !
On February 12, 2013, two days before Stoney would take me to the trail, I was very unsettled. My pack seemed so huge and heavy. I had packed, unpacked, rearranged inside the pack too many times to count. I couldn’t determine what I could leave behind to make my pack smaller. It was winter and I was carrying a heavier sleeping mattress (insulated), microspikes, more layers, etc. So Stoney offered to drive me (about 2 hrs.) to Mountain Crossings at Neels Gap for a pack shakedown where an employee who had completed a thru-hike would take a look at everything and weed out the unnecessary. It was humbling to take it all out of my pack and spread it on the floor (undies and all) in a corner of the store. The young man was just a few years out of high school. He said I would need everything I had packed with the exception of my Kindle (which I knew was a luxury). In one respect I was relieved but I was still nervous; I was heading out to the woods alone and could I really do this.
Was I experiencing performance anxiety -- thoughts of doubt, failure or a lack of confidence due to a perceived lack of ability? I think the self talk in my mind was getting the best of me. I had no appetite on the morning of my start but forced myself to eat a little. And the other times I returned to the trail after injuries, it was the same for my jittery stomach. The good news was that after walking for an hour, the nervousness went away. Thank you, endorphins.
Since we will walk the Camino together and my pack weight should be cut in half (unless I go crazy and decide to take my bigger camera and other luxuries), I’m hoping there won’t be as much anxiety in the days ahead of our adventure. But then again, we are flying on Delta buddy passes (thank you, Beth), we’ve never hiked together day in and day out for 5 weeks let alone in a foreign country, or slept in a different place each night for 40 days. My husband won’t have his room to retreat to, news to watch, no normal routine. But, hey, we are setting out on a pilgrimage and throwing down a challenge to every day life.
I’m testing uploading video with my phone. I like to take pictures of little things and the ice and snow storm gave me an opportunity to capture a dogwood bud, cherry tree buds, camellia bud covered in ice first and then snow. You can turn your speakers off if you don't like the music.
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